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Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Warning: This article defines sexual assault and discusses examples of sexual assault.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. According to RAINN (the largest anti-sexual violence organization in the nation), sexual assault refers to “sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.” This can include anything from unwanted touching to being forced to perform sexual acts on someone else, to rape. No matter the definition or act of sexual violence, it is never the victim’s fault. 

How common is sexual assault?

Every 68 seconds, someone is sexually assaulted in the United States. Despite this violence being so terribly common, only 25 out of every 1,000 rapists end up in prison for their crime. Because this violence is unfortunately so common, Sexual Assault Awareness Month is important to draw attention to conversations around consent, supporting survivors, as well as how to report an assault. Sexual violence is an umbrella term that encapsulates all forms of sexual assault and abuse. 

What constitutes sexual assault?

The exact definition of what legally constitutes sexual assault varies from state to state. Sexual violence includes sexual assault, intimate partner violence, incest, date rape, and child abuse. Other forms of sexual violence also include sexual harassment, stalking, coercion, revenge porn, plus several others. RAINN.org provides an immense amount of resources for survivors of sexual violence. They have statistics, examples, a free hotline, as well as other resources available for free. 

Sexual assault can be a big topic, and it can be hard to know what you as an individual can do to help. You can be informed about consent and practice it with all of your sexual partners, you can be an active bystander and intervene if you see something that doesn’t seem right, and you can be there for people in your life who disclose surviving abuse. 

What is consent?

Consent is when someone freely and completely agrees to something another person has proposed. In order to fully consent, the person consenting cannot be under the influence of any drugs or alcohol, they should not be coerced, and there should be no pressure whatsoever. The person is freely choosing on their own accord. Consent exists in everyday life and obviously in sexual relationships as well. 

Consent is ongoing and can change at any time, meaning just because you’ve had sex with someone before does not mean you have to have sex with them again. You are allowed to change your mind at any moment during a sexual encounter, and you are allowed to communicate that to your partner. The legal definition of consent varies from state to state, and horrifically, Indiana does not have a legal definition of consent., which makes persecuting sexual assault crimes much harder than it should be.

How can you help prevent sexual assault?

Be an active bystander by intervening if you are out and observe something that seems unsafe or not quite right. Step in when you see something not quite right. RAINN has a wonderful page on what you can do as a bystander if you notice something escalating that seems dangerous. They use the acronym CARE to provide a guide for bystander intervention. Create a distraction, Ask directly, Refer to an authority, and Enlist others. If your intuition leads you to believe the dynamic between two people seems alarming or unsafe, trust that. Create a distraction such as interjecting yourself in the conversation, then when you have a moment with the person you are concerned about, ask them directly if they are safe. Ask if they know this person who keeps talking to them. Ask who they came with. Interjecting as a bystander can be scary, and you might even think, “Oh it’s nothing, I’m just overreacting.” It is much better to overreact than to let something slide that doesn’t seem right. 

Be a source of support and love for survivors in your life. If a friend or loved one discloses they are a survivor of abuse, respond by saying something like, “Thank you for trusting me with this information. I love you. I’m here for you however you need me.” Ensure that they continue to feel safe sharing things with you by being supporting and showing you understand that sharing this information is a big deal. RAINN also has a wonderfully thorough page on its website with examples of how to respond in a supportive way if a loved one shares this information with you. 

We should be talking about sexual assault prevention every month of the year, but having April as a reminder is a good place to start. If you are experiencing or have experienced assault, call the RAINN hotline at 800-656-4673. It’s free and confidential. They also have a live chat feature on their website. Check out the rest of the site for more tools, examples, and information on support. You are not alone, and it is not your fault.

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Arousal Non-concordance

Although not described in detail, this article on arousal non-concordance mentions sexual assault.

Are you sitting down? Because I’m about to drop some knowledge on you that will change your life! I’m here to tell you about something called arousal non-concordance. Arousal non-concordance is basically when your sexual arousal physically (in your genitals) doesn’t match up with your subjective arousal (how turned on you feel). You probably have never heard this term before, but I can almost guarantee you’ve experienced these differing levels of arousal before because it’s incredibly common. 

The origins of arousal non-concordance

I first learned about arousal non-concordance while reading Emily Nagoski’s book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Nagoski has written extensively on this topic and even gave a Ted Talk about it last year. Her Ted Talk is fantastic and I recommend watching it right after you finish reading this. 

Your genitals can respond to something that is sexually relevant without it being sexually appealing. If you witness something that is sexual, your body can process it as sexually relevant, regardless of if you enjoy it or not. Your brain is what helps you decide if you like and want that thing. Nagoski gives the example of reading a news article about a sexual assault and noticing her genitals feeling aroused at the same time she felt horrified by what she was reading. This doesn’t mean she is turned on by reading about assault; she had this physical response because her body is responding to something that is sexually relevant, but her mind knows that she obviously does not find this appealing. 

Another example she gives is that victims of sexual assault can sometimes orgasm during a rape or assault. In some court cases, unfortunately, people have interpreted this as consent. Because of the research backing up arousal non-concordance, we know that the survivor’s body processed this as something that was sexually relevant, which would be why they had an orgasm, but that does not at all mean they wanted or liked what was happening. 

How it helps us understand relationships

Arousal non-concordance can help us understand our own sexual relationships better as well. You may have experienced times when you are intimate with a partner and you are ready to have sex, but your genitals might not seem ready. Similarly, you might have experienced when your genitals seem ready, but you are not ready yet. It is important that your partner listens to your words and not your body. Even though your genitals might be hard or wet or whatever else, you decide if and when you are ready to engage with someone sexually. You should never second guess yourself or have your partner convince you you’re ready because of what your genitals are saying. Your genitals respond if something is sexually relevant, but you respond if you like or want that sexually relevant thing!

The overlap between genital and subjective arousal

Based on the research behind arousal non-concordance, there is a 50% overlap between genital arousal and subjective arousal for someone with a penis. For someone with a clitoris and vagina, there is only a 10% overlap between genital arousal and subjective arousal. That means that for someone with a penis, about 50% of the time their genitals and mind will be equally aroused, but for someone with a clitoris, this perfect overlap only occurs 10% of the time!!! That’s why it is so important to have your partner trust your words and not your genital’s response in a sexual situation. That’s also why your genitals can respond sexually to something that is not appealing to you.

Now that you know about arousal non-concordance, what can you do with this enlightening information? As Nagoski suggests in her book and Ted Talk, tell someone about it. Spread this exciting news and know that you are not sexually twisted or broken. Tell your partner to trust your words and not your genitals. Finally, if you’re someone who experiences only the 10% overlap, pay attention to your subjective arousal (how mentally turned on you are) and buy some lube to help with the rest. 

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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. Although every month should be Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, April allows us to pay extra attention to this issue. The most important thing to know about sexual violence and assault is, it is never the survivor’s fault. The survivor did nothing to egg on the behavior of their abuser. Sexual assault is the abuser’s fault, not the survivor’s. Period.

What is sexual assault?

Sexual violence is an umbrella term that encapsulates all forms of sexual assault and abuse. The exact definition of what legally constitutes sexual assault varies from state to state. Sexual violence includes sexual assault, intimate partner violence, incest, date rape, and child abuse. Other forms of sexual violence also include sexual harassment, stalking, coercion, revenge porn, plus several others. A full list with in-depth definitions can be found at rainn.org. 

Although there are many types of sexual violence and different types of sexual assault, consent is the main factor at play within any of these crimes. Consent is when someone freely and completely agrees to something another person has proposed. In order to fully consent, the person consenting cannot be under the influence of any drugs or alcohol, they should not be coerced, and there should be no pressure whatsoever. The person is freely choosing on their own accord. Consent exists in everyday life and obviously in sexual relationships as well. Consent is ongoing and can change at any time, meaning just because you’ve had sex with someone before does not mean you have to have sex with them again. You are allowed to change your mind at any moment during a sexual encounter, and you are allowed to communicate that to your partner. The legal definition of consent varies from state to state, and horrifically, Indiana does not have a legal definition of consent., which makes persecuting sexual assault crimes much harder than it should be.

Resources for sexual assault survivors and more

The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, known as RAINN, is an excellent resource for sexual assault survivors, advocates, and people looking to learn more about prevention and support. RAINN offers many examples of types of sexual violence, warning signs, and how to help someone in need. If you are a survivor yourself, they also have a hotline available to call into, as well as a chat. 

An American is assaulted every 73 seconds, and most of the survivors of sexual assault are women. Although people do get assaulted by strangers, most of the time it is by someone they know. The main way to prevent sexual assault is for assaulters to stop assaulting, but unfortunately, that cannot be fixed with a snap of our fingers. There are some things, though, we can do to help.

Teaching consent to children

Teach consent from an early age, and talk about consent openly and honestly as much as you can. We can teach young children about consent from the time they first begin interacting with others. Rather than forcing a child to hug an estranged relative because it’s “the polite thing to do,” ask the child if they feel comfortable hugging said stranger. Give them the choice. Encourage the adult to not react offended or coerce the child if they choose not to hug them. Teaching children and the adults in their lives that consent is a normal, safe part of life can help this next generation grow up to be more gentle with one another and honor each other’s boundaries. 

Improving culture’s perception of sexual assault

Most people that commit acts of sexual violence are men. We can change the culture of society to value women as equals and break down toxic ideas of misogyny that tell men they are allowed to treat women as they please, rather than as human beings. Of course, men are survivors of sexual assault as well, and women can commit sex crimes too. We must change the culture to stop these crimes from happening. This can’t happen overnight, but continuing to raise girls and boys as equals could hopefully help stop this intense misogyny.

Step in when you see something not quite right. RAINN has a wonderful page on what you can do as a bystander if you notice something escalating that seems dangerous. They use the acronym CARE to provide a guide for bystander intervention. Create a distraction, Ask directly, Refer to an authority, Enlist others. If your intuition leads you to believe the dynamic between two people seems alarming or unsafe, trust that. Create a distraction such as interjecting yourself in the conversation, then when you have a moment with the person you are concerned about, ask them directly if they are safe. Ask if they know this person who keeps talking to them. Ask who they came with. Interjecting as a bystander can be scary, and you might even think, “Oh it’s nothing, I’m just overreacting.” It is much better to overreact than to let something slide that doesn’t seem right. 

RAINN has amazing resources for sexual assault prevention, education, and support for survivors, as well as what you can do to support survivors. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 800-656-4673. It is free, confidential, and available 24/7.

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