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Sexual Aftercare

During a sexual encounter with a new or old partner, you probably learn what they like during sex. A tip I like to use is talking about what each other likes before things start to get sexy to help build a little sexual tension and set each other up for ultimate pleasure once the sex starts. Discussing what someone likes during sex is probably pretty common amongst many partners (I hope!), but knowing what your partner likes after sex is just as important through the practice of sexual aftercare. 

What is sexual aftercare?

Sexual aftercare is a concept made popular by the BDSM and kink community. These types of sexual encounters can involve pain through slapping and biting, or can even involve some more intense toys that combine pain and pleasure. Part of arranging a BDSM “scene” or sexual encounter, is discussing in depth what everyone is and isn’t okay with during sex and also discussing what is needed after sex to help come down from the intense play session and feel safe and comforted. This openness in discussing needs before and after sex should be practiced by everyone, no matter how “vanilla” your sex might be!

What can be included in aftercare?

Aftercare can look like whatever makes you feel best after sex. During sex, feel-good hormones are released, and these hormones are released during orgasm as well. Sometimes people can feel a bit of an emotional comedown after sex once all of these hormones are released, leading to a low mood. Having an aftercare routine that makes you feel comforted and safe can help alleviate some of this. My number one sexual aftercare tip is peeing after sex!!! Especially if you have a vagina. Pee right after sex to avoid a urinary tract infection. Peeing after sex if you have a penis is good for you too, but not as pertinent. 

Maybe after sex, you like to cuddle and talk. Maybe you want to sensually wipe each other down with warm towels. Maybe you are too overheated and need a few minutes to cool off and not touch one another. Maybe you need food. Maybe you need water. Maybe you are energized and want to do an activity together or go for a walk. Stay in bed. Fall asleep. Make a meal. Truly there is no wrong way to do sexual aftercare. Personally, my ideal aftercare routine is 

  1. Pee 
  2. Snuggle in bed 
  3. Ask my partner questions to learn more intimate things about them, whether they are a casual partner or someone I love 
  4. Drink water

Aftercare with any type of partner

Aftercare can be practiced with a casual partner who you only sleep with once or someone you sleep with for the rest of your life. Communicating what you need to feel good after sex, and holding space for someone else to do so will deepen your intimacy no matter the type of encounter. 

I recommend discussing sexual aftercare before you have sex with someone if possible, so that way you know what they need to feel safe ahead of the sexual encounter. If you get caught up in the heat of the moment and can’t discuss first, asking them right after sex is great too! I would also bet that your partner(s) has never been asked about what they need after sex before, which will probably make you a memorable, safe lover. 

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Spotting Between Periods

Ahh, periods. The monthly bleeding we all know and love. Well, that might be an exaggeration, but plenty of people are familiar with this experience: once a month, if you have a vagina, you’ll release an egg from your fallopian tubes, and if that egg isn’t fertilized, you’ll have your period. This is a regular, routine part of a lot of people’s lives. Sometimes, however, you might experience some light bleeding between your period known as spotting. What’s that all about?

What Exactly is Spotting?

Spotting, also known as breakthrough bleeding or intermenstrual bleeding, is bleeding that occurs outside of your period. Spotting is usually lighter in flow and color than your regular period, even on your lightest days. Spotting is basically your body’s way of getting your attention to tell you something’s up. Spotting can be relatively harmless, but it can also signal some serious stuff is off with your body. If you experience any abnormal bleeding outside of your cycle, contact your doctor. If you call your gynecologist, you can simply ask to speak to a nurse and describe the situation. They can consult you from there and determine if the spotting is serious enough to come in for a check-up. 

What causes Spotting?

Spotting can be caused by a number of issues from hormone changes to stress to sexually transmitted infections. Spotting can be caused by ovulation or changes in your hormone levels. Some people spot a bit during ovulation due to your hormones adjusting. This usually isn’t dangerous, it’s just a reaction to your hormone levels shifting throughout your cycle. 

Speaking of shifting hormones, you might also experience some breakthrough bleeding due to hormonal birth control. If you take the pill, use Nuvaring, the patch, or the implant, or even a hormonal IUD (these all work using varying amounts of estrogen and progestin), you might experience spotting when first starting or stopping any of these birth control methods. Additionally, if you take the birth control pill and usually have a period week if you ever skip your period week and start your next pack of pills a week early, you might also experience some spotting. This is because of those changing hormone levels. 

Your “period” on the pill isn’t actually a period because you’re not ovulating, it’s actually a withdrawal bleed from the steady dose of hormones your body gets from the pill. Your body is at a certain point in its cycle with the pill before your “period” week, so if you start your next pack a week earlier than you usually do, it’s possible you could spot a little. This is also usually harmless, but call your doctor just to confirm. You can also experience breakthrough bleeding as you’re entering menopause. There are a lot of hormonal shifts going on during this time, so spotting can be a common indicator that menopause is approaching.

Extreme stress can cause breakthrough bleeding as well. Whether this stress is mental stress such as anxiety or depression, or stress on your body through exercise, weight loss, or weight gain, this can affect your hormones. Cortisol is a stress hormone, and when this hormone is wacky, it can affect your estrogen and progesterone levels.

Spotting can also occur very early on in pregnancy. Light spotting isn’t a cause for concern, but if you experience heavy bleeding, that could be a sign something is wrong. If you’re pregnant and experience spotting, even if it is light, I’d advise consulting your doctor just to be safe. 

A whole range of infections can also trigger spotting. Sexually transmitted infections, urinary tract infections, polycystic ovary syndrome, and pelvic inflammatory disease are just a few infections that can cause spotting. Because the range of causes is so wide, it’s super important to check with your doctor asap so you can treat the infection before it gets too serious.

Seeing Red After Sex

Some people also experience spotting after sex. It’s common for someone with a vagina to bleed after first-time penis-in-vagina sex, and a lot of people think this is because of the hymen breaking. The hymen is a thin membrane that surrounds the vaginal opening, and the truth is most people break their hymen in childhood riding a bike, or a horse, or doing a toe touch, and some people don’t have a hymen to begin with, so sex has nothing to do with it, but I digress… Bleeding after first-time sex is largely due to the tensing of muscles or lack of lubrication. 

It’s also common for people with vaginas to bleed after sex, even if they regularly have it. This happens when the cervix gets irritated due to particularly rough intercourse of tensing of your muscles. Call your doctor to investigate what might cause this. In general though, a great way to cut down on bleeding after sex is to use lube and make sure you have enough foreplay. The vagina needs time to relax and prepare itself for intercourse. Also, bleeding after sex or painful sex is not normal, so please call your doctor if you experience this because you deserve pain-free, pleasure-filled sex. 

As with any sort of health issue, it’s often hard to tell exactly what the cause of a symptom is. If you experience any sort of spotting, call your doctor. It is likely due to hormones or birth control, or something else that is harmless, but just to be safe, call and check-in. 

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What ingredients are in your tampons and pads?

“Ingredients: Rayon and/or Cotton Fiber. Polyester or Cotton String, Polysorbate 20.” Those are the ingredients in my tampon of choice, “Playtex Sport’ unscented tampons. My “U by Kotex” menstrual pads don’t list any ingredients anywhere on the box. Even though I use these products every month, and have used them for YEARS, and will use them for years to come, I’ve never considered what ingredients I’m putting inside of my body.

Organic Ingredients?

If you’ve ever listened to literally any podcast with women on it, you’ve probably heard an ad for Lola. Lola is a subscription-based period product company that uses 100% organic tampons. With Lola and other organic cotton period products becoming popular, there’s been a lot of talk about what ingredients are in menstrual products and whether or not they are safe for us.

Several years ago the Menstrual Products Right to Know Act of 2017 was created. This act proposed that manufacturers had to list all of the ingredients of period products on the box so consumers could be one hundred percent informed. I didn’t realize this wasn’t already enforced, and because the pads I use don’t list ingredients, it seems this act didn’t get passed, so it’s hard to know what you are putting in or close to your body each month.

Finding Research on these Ingredients

From all of the research that I’ve done, it seems people are very unclear about which chemicals in period products are actually bad for us. I found numerous conflicting reports about similar ingredients, so honestly, I’m still not sure which ingredients are truly “good” or “bad.” It is important to note, however, that most of the articles I found talking about how toxic tampon and pad ingredients are were written five or more years ago. This shows that more research needs to be done on this topic so we can have more conclusive and definitive answers. I think part of the reason extensive research on this topic hasn’t been done is that there is such a stigma surrounding menstruation and so much shame in talking about it. We need to talk about periods, and we need to get that research done! But I digress…

Toxic Shock Syndrome

If you use 100% organic period products, obviously you don’t need to worry about any chemicals in your body. Although organic cotton period products don’t have chemicals in them, it is still possible to get Toxic Shock Syndrome from leaving a tampon in for too long. Don’t get lulled into a false sense of security and leave your tampon in for more than eight hours. You’ll still be at risk for TSS, even if your products are organic. Menstrual cups are also recommended as alternatives for tampons and pads that are full of chemicals. Most menstrual cups are made of body-safe silicone or rubber, last for up to 12 hours, and don’t have the same chemicals in them that tampons do.

From what I’ve found, it seems chlorine, dioxin, BPA, rayon, and “fragrance” are the most harmful chemicals overall. Although there are some misconceptions about chlorine and rayon used in tampons.

Chlorine 

This was used for bleaching tampons in the 1990s, but actual chlorine is no longer used. All brands use chlorine-free bleaching agents to clean their products, and according to the FDA, this is safe. When it comes to tampon production, “bleaching” is used to clean and purify the fibers of cotton or rayon used in the product. The tampon being “bleached” white isn’t the goal or reason for using chlorine in this part of the process.

Bleaching is done to reduce the levels of dioxins in these products. Dioxins are “chemically-related compounds that are persistent environmental pollutants.” What does that mean? Dioxins are a grouping of dangerous chemicals present in our environment that can be very damaging if high levels of exposure persist. Through these chlorine-free bleaching methods, the levels of dioxins in tampons are severely lessened to a supposedly safe level, and the levels of dioxins in our environment pose a much greater threat than those in our tampons.

BPA 

Bisphenol A (BPA) is a chemical found in plastic. You probably see refillable water bottles advertised as “BPA-free”— this is that same thing. BPA has been linked to disrupt hormones and cause other health issues. BPA would only be present in your applicators and not in the actual tampon itself, so look for BPA-free applicators, or use cardboard applicators or applicator-free tampons instead if this is a concern.

Rayon 

This showed up as a “bad” chemical in a lot of my research, but I also found just as many sources saying it’s okay. According to Tampax’s website and the FDA, the rayon used in menstrual products is completely safe. Rayon has been called unsafe because it’s a synthetic material, so people fear that it could increase the likelihood of toxic shock syndrome if any rayon fibers are left behind in the body. This is hasn’t been proven, and just as I said before, even organic tampons can still cause TSS.

Fragrance

You should never use ANY vagina products that list “fragrance” as an ingredient. Fragrances will not only disrupt your vaginal pH, which can lead to infections but products are not required to list what exactly goes into that “fragrance.” Always get unscented tampons, pads, or toilet paper, and stay away from vaginal hygiene products.

Oh and that polysorbate 20 that was one of the ingredients in my tampons? It’s apparently used in a lot of skincare/makeup/hygiene products to help with odor and is “supposedly” not harmful for your body.

Like I said before, it’s hard to know what levels of which chemicals are actually safe for our bodies because of the lack of scientific research done to regulate these products and all of the conflicting information out there. It seems that cotton and rayon tampons are okay, but if knowing completely what ingredients are in your menstrual products is important to you, using 100% organic cotton tampons or a menstrual cup would be the safest. These products don’t use chemicals found in other tampons, and they are fragrance-free.

As I mentioned before, the conflicting reports on ingredients I found while doing research just further show that menstrual hygiene and women’s health needs to be a priority so we can be fully informed on what we’re putting into our bodies.

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The Link Between Soy and Estrogen

Soy has become increasingly popular over the past few years with more people cutting dairy and meat out of their diets. Soy is full of nutrients and an excellent source of protein, and it serves as a great meat alternative for anyone wanting to cut down on meat consumption. With the increased popularity of soy, there has been some concern over how soy affects estrogen levels in the body, and what that means for overall health.

What is Soy?

Soy comes from soybeans, which have very high concentrations of isoflavones, or plant estrogen. This plant estrogen is similar to estrogen in the human body, but it’s a bit weaker. Because it is similar to human estrogen, the estrogen receptors in our bodies can bind to these isoflavones, which in theory could mess with estrogen levels in people. The main concern with these isoflavones and human estrogen is an increased risk of breast cancer or thyroid issues.

Despite these concerns, there is no definitive answer to whether or not soy negatively affects your health. Infants and women are at higher risk of being affected by this because of how estrogen affects their bodies. 

Research and Effects

A lot of studies have been done on animals, and in these studies, soy does negatively affect estrogen levels. Although this might seem like an indication of how it affects humans, it doesn’t really help much. Animals and humans metabolize food so differently that scientists can’t really use the animal study results to predict human results. Studies on isoflavones in humans have also been done, and these studies have shown no clear evidence that it increases the risk of breast cancer or thyroid disease. Studies have even shown that soy can help decrease your risk for breast cancer and cardiovascular disease. Some studies have suggested there’s a possible link between soy and increased risk of breast cancer in women who have a family history, but overall it’s unclear. Overall though, if you eat a “moderate” amount of soy, that is one or two servings per day, you should be okay.

As far as how it affects your thyroid, that is also unclear. There have been no conclusive studies showing that soy increases the risk of thyroid disease, but it could possibly affect medicine taken to treat hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism is when your thyroid doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone. People who have this can take prescription medicine to treat it, and people have thought that soy can interfere with the body’s ability to absorb this medicine. Again, there’s no clear evidence to support that soy significantly impacts the body’s ability to absorb the medicine, but it’s suggested that people that take meds for low thyroid wait at least four hours before eating soy just to be safe. 

Benefits of Soy

Although there is still research being done to determine if soy can negatively impact your health, the positive impacts are definitely clear. It has many nutrients in it including B vitamins, fiber, potassium, magnesium, and protein. It is an especially good source of protein because it contains all nine essential amino acids that our bodies get solely from the food we eat. Coming from a plant, that is especially awesome. It is often used as a meat substitute and cutting down on the amount of meat you eat can improve your health. Cutting down on the meat you eat also positively impacts the environment, which is an added bonus. Because of the estrogen present from the isoflavones, some women have used soy to treat menopause symptoms like hot flashes, but again, it comes as no surprise that definitive research hasn’t proven if this scientifically works or not. If you try it and it works, more power to ya.

As a soy lover myself, it can be a little scary to hear that it can negatively impact my health, but it’s also frustrating to know that there is no definitive answer for if this is true or not. Based on all of the research that’s been collected so far, it seems overall that a bit of soy in your diet definitely does more good than bad. I’m going to keep loving tofu until science tells me otherwise.

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Discharge is Healthy and Normal

If you have a vagina, you’re familiar with discharge. Discharge is a fluid produced by the vagina and cervix to help keep them clean. Discharge is 100% healthy and normal. It’s truly essential for vaginal health and a great indicator that your body is working well. There’s a lot of shame put on women for how “clean” their vaginas are and how they smell, and the discharge they produce. That’s a crock of bull! Your vagina should smell like a vagina, and you should definitely be producing discharge.

What is a healthy discharge?

Your discharge changes throughout your monthly cycle, indicating different things about your ovulation, as well as overall vaginal health. Because your discharge changes so much every month, it’s important to know what healthy discharge looks and smells like, and what discharge your body produces when you have an infection.

Normal, healthy discharge can be clear, whitish/cream-colored, or light yellow. Healthy discharge will have a slight smell to it, but this should be fairly mild and consistent throughout your cycle. Healthy discharge is also slightly sticky. Your discharge will become thin and more slippery when you are sexually aroused or ovulating. 

Issues to watch for

If your discharge is white, thicker than usual, or clumpy and has an abnormally strong smell, you likely have an infection. White “cottage cheese” like discharge with a bad smell and irritated vulva/vagina is a tell-tale sign of a yeast infection.

Yellow-green discharge that is thick or clumpy indicates you have a sexually transmitted infection. It’s normal for your discharge to be slightly yellowish, but if it’s dark yellow or green, you probably have an STI.

Discharge that’s pink or red is related to your period. Pink discharge right before or right after your period is normal. Red is obviously your period blood. Pink discharge after penetrative sex can also be common due to irritation of the cervix. Although this can happen every once in a while, you shouldn’t be bleeding regularly after penetrative sex, and penetrative sex shouldn’t hurt, not only because you deserve pleasure, but also because this could be a sign of a greater issue. Consult your doctor if you bleed regularly after sex or experience pain with sex.

What does discharge do?

Discharge is such an important part of vaginal health. It literally cleans your vagina and lets you know that your body is working well. Because it’s so essential for vaginal health, it’s really important to stay in tune with your body and pay attention to your discharge. Tracking your cervical mucus can even be used as a form of fertility awareness for birth control. If you notice the consistency, color, or smell of your discharge change drastically, or if it matches any of the descriptions I listed above, go see a doctor. It’s your body’s way of telling you that you have an infection or some other problem. 

Additionally, if you have any itchiness or irritation, redness around the vaginal opening, pain while you pee, or regular spotting after sex accompanying your changing discharge, go see your doctor!

It’s 2021, people — it’s time to stop feeling ashamed of our bodies, and it’s time to stop this idea that vaginas are smelly or dirty because they aren’t! Sure, discharge isn’t the most glamorous thing in the world, but it’s healthy, normal, and a sign your body is working well. And you should never be ashamed of that.

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What to Expect at Your First Trip to the Gynecologist

I remember hearing about “That First Trip” to the gynecologist when I was younger. I wasn’t exactly sure what happened at the gynecologist, I just knew you had to take your pants off in front of some doctor, and this doctor had to stick things inside you to make sure you were healthy. I thought going to the gynecologist was guaranteed to be painful and uncomfortable, and my first trip to the gynecologist was something I was afraid of. When the time for my first visit came I was really nervous, but I was pleased to find all the mystique and scary rumors surrounding my visit were nothing like my actual positive experience.

What is a gynecologist?

A gynecologist is “a physician who specializes in treating diseases of the female reproductive organs and providing well-woman health care that focuses primarily on the reproductive organs.” Gynecologists provide patients with birth control, information about sexual health, menstruation, fertility, as well as treat conditions or vaginal health concerns, and provide Pap smears.

If someone hasn’t already made a visit to the gynecologist well into puberty, it is recommended that you start going for Pap smears either once you become sexually active or once you turn 21. A Pap smear is a test that gynecologists do to test for cervical cancer and overall cervical health. 

What to expect at the gynecologist

After checking in, you’ll be led into an examination room and the nurse will ask you if you have any questions for the doctor. This is a good time to voice any questions or concerns about your sexual health. Asking about contraception, STD tests, pain during sex, or any other sexual health concerns are all things you should feel comfortable asking your gynecologist. For example, I’ve asked my gynecologist how and why some antibiotics make birth control pills less effective.

People often feel uncomfortable talking about sex, but giving you information on your sexual health is what the gynecologist is there for. Even if it seems scary, it is totally normal and important to voice any questions or concerns you have while you are at the office and the doctor can take a look at anything they need to. You won’t be judged – it is literally the gynecologist’s job to help you! 

Asking lots of questions

You can also ask your gynecologist general questions about sexual health and birth control, even if they don’t apply to you. You can inquire about birth control methods you don’t use but have read about, or you could ask about managing emotional health along with sexual health in a relationship. I know that at Planned Parenthood, for example, they always ask questions about your emotional well-being within your sexual relationships, and I just love that.  

Next, you’ll be asked to take your clothes off and wear a robe of some sort and wait until the doctor comes in. You’ll be left alone for a while, then the doctor will arrive. The doctor will likely ask if you have any questions or concerns you want to address, then they’ll start the exam. You’ll scoot your booty to the bottom of the examination table and place your feet in stirrups so your legs are spread nice and wide. The doctor will then place a speculum or a metal instrument into your vagina to hold the vaginal walls open so they can see your cervix. The gynecologist should have various sizes of speculums and will likely use the smallest one when it is your first visit. The doctor will then look at your cervix and take a small little brush to take a sample of your cells. The doctor may also put a finger or two into your vagina and feel around to make sure you have no unnecessary pain or pressure.

It’s not as scary as it seems

I know this all sounds really intense and vulnerable, but it truly is not as scary as it sounds. The most important thing is to try and keep your body relaxed. If you tense up your muscles while the doctor is doing their business, it might be more painful than if you stay relaxed. The actual Pap smear takes less than a minute, so you will only be uncomfortable for a short amount of time.

You can also ask your doctor to explain what they are doing for the exam before they do it. During my first visit, my gynecologist showed me the speculum before inserting it, told me he was using the smallest one and described how he was going to insert it before he did. This helped me feel prepared, relaxed, and overall more comfortable. This visit is about you and your health, so you should feel empowered to ask for what you need to be most comfortable.

How often to go to the gynecologist

While you’re at the visit, the gynecologist will likely also feel your breast tissue to make sure there are no abnormal lumps or anything like that. After that, you’ll have a final chance to ask any questions, then you’ll get dressed, schedule your next appointment, and be on your way.

Talk with your doctor about how often they think you need to get a Pap test, but for most people between the ages of 21 and 29, a test every three years is appropriate. For patients aged 30 to 64 a Pap test with an HPV test every 5 years is appropriate, and patients over 65 might not need Pap tests anymore. It is best to ask your doctor what they think is best for you and your body.

Although visiting the gynecologist isn’t always the most comfortable experience, I always feel good leaving my appointment knowing I’m in control of my sexual health. Knowing that my body is healthy and working correctly makes me feel good. 

If you’re anticipating your first visit to the gynecologist, take a deep breath, relax, and know that people get Pap smears done all the time. It’s important for your health, and after the first visit, you definitely won’t be as nervous.

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Why are Women Facing All the Emotional Labor?

If you’ve ever worked in any service job, you’ve probably dealt with managing your emotions to keep the customer happy. If you work at a restaurant and you bring food to your table, and the customer says their sandwich came with a sauce on it they didn’t ask for, you need to stay positive and offer a solution to keep the customer also feeling positive so they’ll return to your restaurant. You have to manage your feelings while also managing the emotions of the people around you. This idea of managing emotions, feelings, and expressions is called emotional labor. With Mother’s Day in May, it feels especially right to discuss emotional labor, as women often exercise it most. 

What is emotional labor?

The concept of emotional labor was first fully explored by sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her 1983 book The Managed Heart. When Hochschild was first discussing emotional labor, she mostly explored this concept in regard to work relationships. Other professions that require a great deal of emotional labor are teachers, nurses, flight attendants, or hotel management, just to name a few.

Since Hochschild’s initial writing on the topic, many other sociologists have delved deeper into studying emotional labor. This topic has now been expanded beyond just showing up in work situations. Emotional labor also is present in people’s everyday domestic lives, and unfortunately, women often bear the brunt of emotional labor in many relationships.

Examples of emotional labor for women

The first time I heard the term “emotional labor” and saw a lengthy explanation of it was a Harpers Bazaar article written by Gemma Hartley. In the article, Hartley describes how she asked her husband to hire a house cleaning service for her as a Mother’s Day gift. She wanted her husband to handle it all so she could relax and enjoy a clean home. She didn’t want to have to go through the trouble of looking up cleaning services, comparing prices, and reading reviews—she wanted her husband to do that for her as part of the gift.

Instead, her husband cleaned the bathrooms himself, which is a nice gesture, but Hartley describes that she ended up watching their children and cleaning up some clothing and a box her husband left out in their closet. Her husband says she should have just asked him to put the box away, and as the author expresses, the whole point is she doesn’t want to have to ask. She wanted to feel cared for by her partner in the same way she cares for him.

Bearing the full responsibility of managing a household and making sure everyone is cared for is a lot of work. Updating a calendar with everyone’s schedules, packing lunches for children to take to school, washing and folding laundry, asking your partner to clean up after themselves, asking them a second, third, and fourth time to clean the bathroom even though it’s their responsibility and they shouldn’t need to be reminded. These are all examples of emotional labor women often are responsible for in a home.

The actual, physical work isn’t the emotional labor— all of the little things you do for others that make their lives easier, and the process of asking your partner to also do their work and share in the responsibilities is the emotional labor.

How can we manage emotional labor?

Having conversations with your partner about them pitching in more, being considerate of their feelings, making sure they understand you asking them to help out and do their chores without being asked multiple times is not an attack on their character, is emotional labor. All the while you just do what needs to be done because if you don’t do it, no one will.

So why is it that women often bear a great responsibility for this? There’s the old stereotype that men will go out into the world and work a full-time job while women stay at home and raise the children and look after the house. Maybe some of this is due to old gender norms sticking around, but honestly, I’m not quite sure. But many modern relationships have both partners working full time, so shouldn’t the housework and in-home responsibilities be split equally?

Obviously, every relationship won’t have this exact dynamic, but if you google “emotional labor,” you’ll find article after article citing specific examples of women handling emotional labor in the home. Think about your own upbringing and who was in charge of domestic and emotional care in your home. Think about those responsibilities in your own life now and who takes care of them in your various relationships.

Do what works for you and your relationship

Everyone has to do some sort of emotional labor in their lives, but if you are thanklessly responsible for the majority of this labor in your home, you should feel able to change that.

If you’re feeling like you are bearing the brunt of all of this in-house labor and you’re having to constantly remind your partner to do their share of housework, run errands, etc., then it might be time for a conversation with them about equally distributing work. Yes, you’ll want to be considerate of their feelings when you talk with them, but you are not nagging! You’re simply asking for an equal share of responsibility. And if your partner loves you and cares about you, then they should want to actively share the responsibility. 

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The Science of Ovulation

You’ve likely heard about the menstrual cycle, also known as a period. Maybe you have a period, and even if you don’t, you definitely know someone who does. You probably know that once a month, the person having their period bleeds for about a week (sometimes more and sometimes less), shedding the uterine lining. Pads, tampons, or menstrual cups are used to collect blood and bloating or mood swings sometimes accompany this cycle. Although we know these stereotypical things about the menstrual cycle, how much do we know about ovulation?

Where does ovulation fit in the menstrual cycle?

Ovulation typically occurs about halfway through the menstrual cycle, releasing an egg through the fallopian tubes and waiting to meet up with sperm for fertilization. The typical menstrual cycle lasts between 28 and 32 days, so ovulation will occur between days 10 and 19, or about two weeks before your period. When someone is ovulating, that means they are most fertile because their egg has been released from the ovary and is essentially waiting to be fertilized. 

Although ovulation occurs within the female reproductive system, there are external signs that indicate when someone is ovulating. During this time water retention, changes in mood due to fluctuating hormones, and cramps can all occur. These are fairly typical and well-known signs. There are a few more, less obvious signs of ovulation as well.

How can you track ovulation?

During ovulation, the cervix, the area at the top of the vaginal canal connecting the vagina and the womb, becomes higher, softer, and more open. If you are someone wanting to track your ovulation, you can technically feel your cervix. A lot of people also note having a higher sex drive while ovulating, which makes sense because ovulation is the prime time to get pregnant if that is something you are trying to do. During ovulation, your cervical mucus or discharge might also change slightly. When ovulating, cervical mucus will be slightly stretchy and clear, which helps carry the sperm along to the egg. Tender breasts can also be a sign of ovulation because of the hormone fluctuations experienced at this time.

Besides these bodily changes, there have been studies proving a few other changes. Studies have shown that women who are ovulating are more likely to wear red or pink. Additionally, studies have shown that women’s voices often sound slightly higher when they are most fertile, and their natural scent is more appealing to potential sex partners. An increased sense of smell has also been cited as a sign of ovulation. Similar to your scent being more attractive to potential partners, you are more likely to pick up on their pheromones as well. Although all of these changes have been noted in various studies, they are often so subtle that you likely won’t pick up on them yourself.

How does birth control affect ovulating?

With all this talk of ovulation, it’s also important to note that some people don’t ovulate. If you are pregnant, on hormonal birth control pills, or if you are experiencing menopause, you won’t ovulate. Some women also don’t ovulate while breastfeeding, but some can. Additionally, other hormonal imbalances or medical conditions can prevent ovulation.

The human body is a truly complex landscape and taking a closer look at the menstrual cycle proves just how complex our bodies are. Although not everyone ovulates and not everyone shares every ovulation symptom, it is good to be educated and know what our bodies are up to.

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Why Vaginal Hygiene Products are Bad for You

The vagina is an absolutely amazing organ. It can bring life into this world, it helps facilitate your menstrual cycle to let you know your body is working properly, it can be used for sex and pleasure, and it’s totally self-cleaning. And since it’s a self-cleaning organ, that means vaginal hygiene products are totally unnecessary.

Why do vaginal hygiene products exist?

If your vagina is self-cleaning, then why do “feminine hygiene products” like Summer’s Eve and other brands exist? To be perfectly blunt, these products exist to make you think your vagina’s natural discharge and odor is dirty and unnatural so you’ll want to buy feminine hygiene wipes and douches to “cleanse” yourself. Not only do vaginal hygiene products use people’s insecurities and shame regarding their vaginal odor to make money, but these products also are harmful to your vagina’s health and can throw off your vagina’s pH balance, leading to infections or other complications.

The vagina is a self-cleaning organ, using discharge to flush out any bad bacteria. Discharge is one hundred percent normal and essential for your vaginal health. A specific odor likely accompanies this discharge, and for some reason, people are made to feel ashamed of the way their vagina smells. Vaginal odor is also completely normal and healthy. In fact, a person’s vaginal odor will likely change throughout their menstrual cycle, and can also change depending on diet. The only time you should be concerned about your discharge or vaginal odor is if either one changes drastically. If your discharge changes color or consistency and your vaginal odor change significantly, consult your doctor. You could have an infection.

Cleaning your vulva versus vagina

Although the vagina cleans itself, the vulva does not. Your vulva is the folds of skin (labia) on the outside of your body. The best way to clean your vulva is with warm water. Doctors also recommend warm water and mild soap. If you have very sensitive skin, unscented soap would work best, but again, just water is fine as well. Since all you need for a clean vulva and vagina is warm water, the chemicals in vaginal hygiene products can be harmful to users.

Summer’s Eve has a whole host of products such as cleansing wipes, sprays, cleansing wash, body powder, and douche products. It’s important to note that Summer’s Eve is not the only brand that sells these types of products. I am just using them as an example because they are very widely known and easily available. No matter the brand name, these products are unnecessary and can be harmful. 

Most importantly, do not douche

If you gather only one thing from this article, let it be this: do NOT douche. Douching is a method to wash out the vagina using a formula that is sprayed directly into the vagina. Douching products can contain water, vinegar, antiseptics, and fragrances, all of which can be harmful to your vaginal hygiene. People douche to wash out bad bacteria from the vagina and to feel “fresh and clean.” While you are washing out the bad bacteria, you also wash out the good bacteria your vagina needs to maintain a healthy pH balance. Side effects of douching include bacterial vaginosis, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, pregnancy complications such as ectopic pregnancy, and an increased risk of cervical cancer.

Summer’s Eve website contains no ingredients for any of their products, which I find alarming. Through my research, I found one source that listed some ingredients, some of which include “fragrance” (which the product does not elaborate on what makes up this ingredient), methylisothiazolinone, methylchloroisothiazolinone, cocamidopropyl betaine, and many more. For a full list of ingredients you could of course look at the products in the store. However, if I am using something to clean my vulva or vagina, I would like to be able to pronounce it.

I also found that Summer’s Eve cleansing wipes contain octoxynol-9, which is a spermicide. There is no warning on the packaging that discloses this information. The wipes are not viable forms of contraception, however, it is unclear if the octoxynol-9 is strong enough in the wipes to affect someone’s ability to get pregnant. 

Your vagina’s smell is normal!

This is no joke! Your vagina doesn’t need to be flushed out with water and other chemicals. Your vagina is not smelly or dirty. This harmful narrative that vaginas are dirty and smell bad is incredibly harmful to your physical and mental health. Being told that your vagina is dirty and literally needs to be flushed out with fragrances in order to be clean and desirable harms positive self-image and feeling good in one’s body. I understand wanting to feel clean or wanting to “freshen up” before a sexual encounter, but as mentioned above, all you need is water for that. No chemicals or artificial scents are necessary.

I’m here to tell you that the messages sold to us by these hygiene companies are lies. There is science to prove how harmful these products are and to reiterate that vaginal odor is normal and healthy! Your vagina is not supposed to smell like flowers or baby powder. You are not a flower or a baby. Your vagina should smell like vagina! 

 

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All About Menstrual Cups

In this great year of 2021, there are many ways to manage your period. From pads, to tampons, to the period sponge, to period-proof underwear, you are bound to find an option that makes managing your period fit with your lifestyle and preferences. Menstrual cups have been gaining a lot of popularity in the last few years, and there’s so much to explore with this environmentally friendly invention.

When were menstrual cups invented?

Although menstrual cups have only become extremely popular recently, they were first invented in 1884! They didn’t hit the market until much later, but the first design was invented then. This first model, known as the Improved Menstrual Receptacle, was invented by Hiram Farr, and was designed to hold several cups of blood at a time. This first design never actually hit the market, but big thanks to Hiram Farr for designing this revolutionary device.

In 1937 American actress Leona Chalmers patented another menstrual cup design, and actually followed through on trying to get it to hit the market. This menstrual cup was similar to the menstrual cups we have today, but it was made from latex rubber. After a few redesigns, this menstrual cup was sold by the company Tassette until the 60s, then they went out of business. Menstrual cups made a comeback in the 1980s with the brand The Keeper and starting in 2003 with the Diva Cup, menstrual cups have become more and more popular.  

How do menstrual cups work?

Menstrual cups have clearly been around for a long time, proving they must in fact be an excellent idea. I first heard of menstrual cups a few years ago when I first learned about the Diva Cup. Unlike the early menstrual cup designs, Diva Cup and other modern brands are made of silicone. Not only is the allergy risk of silicone much lower than latex, but it is also super soft and easy to clean. There are many menstrual cup brands available—Diva Cup, Keeper Cup (that same brand from the 80s!), Moon Cup, Lunette Cup, Lena Cup, Lily Cup, plus some disposable cups or discs. Although there are many brands to choose from, they essentially all work the same.

Menstrual cups are made of flexible silicone material and are shaped like a small bell or cup with a little stem on the end. You place them inside of your vagina right below your cervix and they catch your menstrual blood. You use the short stem on the end to pull them out to empty and clean. Menstrual cups can be left in anywhere from 6 to 12 hours, and need to be rinsed and washed when emptied. When emptying your menstrual cup throughout the day, dump out the blood and wash it with unscented antibacterial soap and water before putting it back in. Some menstrual cup brands also sell cleaning wipes so you can clean your menstrual cup if you’re using a public restroom and can’t wash it thoroughly in a shared sink. Wipe that baby down in the privacy of your stall, pop it back in, and you’re good to go.

How do I use a menstrual cup?

There are different sizes of menstrual cups based on if you just got your period or have had any children. Some menstrual cup brands have more detailed size finders on their websites, and that can be a useful tool to find one that works for you.

To insert your menstrual cup, wash your hands and sit or stand. Similar to putting a tampon in for the first time, this might take a few tries, so you should give yourself plenty of time to get it properly inserted. If your vagina isn’t already slick with a lot of period blood, it might be helpful to use some lubricant to help slide it into place. Be sure to use water-based lube if you do so because other lubes are not silicone compatible and could eat away at the cup over time. 

Relax your muscles and body as much as you can, pinch the top of the cup (most brands come with their own set of instructions on the box and recommend pinching it so the top is a “C” shape), then gently guide the cup into your vagina. You will have to get really comfy with yourself here because you need to put your fingers into your vagina to get the cup in place. Once it’s far up in there, slightly rotate the cup and let go of the top of it and it should suction into place. If the cup is inserted properly, you shouldn’t be able to feel it. As I mentioned, this may take a few tries, so be patient with yourself. The first time you wear it, you may even want to wear a liner or pad just to make sure you don’t leak and see if it was inserted properly.

What about emptying and cleaning?

When it’s time to empty your cup, you’ll have to bear down a bit and activate those pelvic floor muscles. Reach your hand into your vagina and gently pull on the little stem at the bottom of the cup and it should slide out. You’ll have to pinch the cup slightly to loosen the suction at the top of the cup that keeps it in place. If you don’t break the suction it could be very painful to pull out.

In between periods, you can disinfect your menstrual cup by washing it with soap and water, and some people even boil their cup in hot water between cycles. Since your menstrual cup sits below the cervix, it won’t get lost inside your body, and even if it feels like it’s stuck, you can get it out! If you really have trouble getting it out, go visit your doctor and they can easily help you and give you some tips on how to get it out easier next time. 

Menstrual cups are a great option for people to manage their periods. You can reuse them for several years, so they are a fairly cheap option because you get a lot of bang for your buck. They are also good for the environment because they’re less wasteful than tampons or pads. If you’re interested in using a menstrual cup, check out some of the brands’ websites and find a size that works for you. 

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